Title: Misconceptions
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character / Couple: Sirius Black
Prompt: 071. Broken
Rating:
PG13 Summary: The first Order of the Phoenix, Sirius, Remus and friendship that goes quietly into pieces.
Notes: part 1 / 2 of my "La valse des équivoques", published on the EFP.
This scene is part of my "La Valse des Équivoques " already published elsewhere, and it is the first of two parts. I think it is sufficiently independent of itself does not need to be accompanied by a sister, who is not the rest focused on Sirius.
Good reading.
Misconceptions
nine o'clock in the evening and the apartment is dark and cold. Have you been out all day - meeting, site visit, lunch, detour to the Ministry, fast ragguaglio with a couple of other members, field research - and the focus was not on yesterday.
Put the wood in the fireplace before they remove the coat, you have the nose for the ice cream bike ride in the sky and the icy fingers purple, again because you forgot the gloves somewhere. The flame crackles coming to life, is bright and lively and reflected the red on the wall, on the floor, on your skin. It 's a good feeling for a moment and smiling, crouching on the floor of your attic empty and darkened. You left the helmet on the ground in the middle of the room and the keys on the table, among the dishes never clear the dinner yesterday.
You should at least turn on the light, but you should not. Do you think you would hurt the eyes, tired and tingling in the wind and it does not have a desire for light, six in a dark mood. Are you feeling fatigued, helpless and totally useless. You have the feeling of not being a microscopic grain of sand so that you can not see with the naked eye, in front of vastness of an immense world.
It was not like I had imagined things, this is not what you expected at the castle, is not life as I had envisioned. Have you always thought would never change anything, you'd Padfoot continued to be a bigwig. That you, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail remained would be something meaningful, someone who can not pass unnoticed, as when coming down from the tower for breakfast and the other students turned to look through, a bit 'admiration, a little' contemptuous, however never indifferent.
You were the winners: those who are getting away with it, which in one way or another, always fall on his feet, for better or worse there's always hoping to get that. Did you have any good magician never too much effort and avoided expulsion so many times that you almost lost count, even when you've almost got killed that idiot Snivellus. Did you do bend your feet legions of girls and admiration that you have blessed your eyes and your smile sparkling silver aroused. You've tried all sorts of reckless enterprise - dall'animagia incursions into the Forbidden Forest - in the certainty that in any case would end everything had gone well, you have participated in dozens of projects exciting and exhilarating and you laughed to death with your best friends, often all night.
And now you can not understand where all this is over.
Nothing else around you is the image that you had built in the mind of your life in the adult world. Neither your attic or the silent face of James stretched and thin, or the fear that accompanies all of you every day. Did you think you would be heroes, you would have done great business but in fact the only thing I managed to do, and not too well, is to stay afloat. Gasping.
I got the idea that you were in Gryffindor because a number of things you were granted: that clearly you're on the right, acting in the name of what is right, you deserve the respect due to those who do not bend from fear - and you do not let anything, is your point of honor - and you're not an ordinary person. And your friends with you. You're the Marauders, to Godric, though now not believe it anymore.
But that's not true at all. Have you met the reality and the punch you threw in the face was so strong that he left you perpetually dazed. Nobody cares whether you are a Marauder and even whether you are a Black, for what it's worth. The divisions which will net you used in the corridors of Hogwarts no longer exist and there is only confusion and fear.
And no, you do not want to turn on the light, to let its rays reveal more starkly and vividly the reality around you. Prefer to stay in the shadows for a few more minutes and hatch your illusion of blindness, to keep the world a little 'further and be less bitter.
Padfoot.
Only a pun.
And would you know where Remus, because you have not found at his home yesterday but said he would be there all day, but there was, again. You've waited for almost two hours because you wanted an explanation and he has not arrived.
You just get sick and want to sleep, but your mind is completely lucid and awake and does not give you rest. Can not stop thinking about your two lives - one before and to now - and see what the comparison is demeaning.
images overlap in a crushing defeat.
rossodorata scarf that she always wore around his neck was the symbol of victory. Did you feel proud to wear it and you did this even when there was no reason. That afternoon was not particularly cold but you were wrapped around you the same as usual.
"I go looking?" I brought James anxiously, seeing that you dressed.
"Yes, yes," you've confirmed.
Have you looked into his eyes for a moment, cautious, anxious to peek under the Peter. Your eyes have made sure - the same shade of irises in the decision - and then James has also slipped on the cloak.
"Wait for us here, Peter, in the case came back," suggested safe.
The other nodded, almost relieved. At that time you thought it was really a coward, but then you kindly appeased: how did you know Peter, there was nothing surprising.
you come out side by side and then from the dormitory common room. You have bestowed a few words of greeting to the students that you know that as you were busy in the corridor for activities as diverse as looking through the eyes of some trace your friend. Have you wandered around the castle and then you came along the shore of the lake.
He spoke little, concentrated in your search, but was not uncomfortable silence that we share, not uneasy. Occasionally one of the two spoke a few words to which the other replied sympathetically, with indolence. Have you made laugh like that in fact you were thirteen when you saw Snivellus walking down the hall with his usual array of books and James pointed at him the baton and made them all fall, scattering them on the floor.
It slipped off the're laughing for a few minutes to regain composure diligent in keeping your search.
But you could not find it.
"divide us?" I then brought James, undecided.
You nodded resolutely, throwing a look around and think.
"I go to the greenhouses and the parties to Hagrid," have decided to step away.
James gave you a nod, before indicating a vague point behind.
"I'm going the other way. Maybe towards the plane, then I do around the lake. "
We have exchanged a quick five and a push to separate the first, walking each in a different direction with speed and a certain urgency.
the greenhouse there was no one except Alice with a couple of girls from Hufflepuff who controlled the growth of Mandragora. Have you asked them if they saw Remus Lupin, but they answered "no" with inattention, vaguely surprised because normally each of the four of you knew where to find the others, was a story that went on for two years and broken.
Even Hagrid was able to help you, then tried to offer his terrible biscuits with a cup of tea but you have declined the invitation clearly justified by the reasoning of hurry and tasks to be done. At that point you thought about going back to the castle and try to see if you were stuck in some classroom empty, even if the company you would have to check them all away whole days and it was obviously impossible.
have diverted to control the top edge of the Forest. You found it sitting on a folding of the trunk of an oak, in a small clearing overlooking the thicket on their own. You do not get heard - you know it very quiet, if necessary, even if no one would have expected from a confusing as you - and stood watching him tear off the stems of grass from the ground with bitterness, his lips tight with anger and red eyes.
Did it tenderly and you felt sorry for him.
"Remus," You called him softly.
When I saw his eyes opened wide and narrow strong fists, he turned his head away to prove to the posting but you were sure it was only fear. It was a feeling that you know, you've probably experienced rejection.
“Sei venuto per aggiungere ancora qualcosa?” ha chiesto freddamente mentre ti avvicinavi.
“Sono ore che ti cerchiamo,” hai risposto con inusuale pacatezza, ignorando per una volta una provocazione.
“Sì, avete dimenticato di chiamarmi schifoso ibrido, ma non era il caso di affannarsi tanto per farlo,” ha ribattuto lui, ostile.
Hai visto la sua spalla tremare per la tensione e ci hai appoggiato una mano automaticamente. Ti It occurred to all that your mother always told about werewolves and you realized instantly that I did not believe a word, not one. What we do not believe you wanted and you do not care.
Eye, that bite, "he murmured Remus wriggling until it is freed of your fingers on her shoulder blade.
"Do not be ridiculous, Lupin," I scolded you mechanically, using the same expression that he usually used against you. "I certainly did not toured the school to come and give the hybrid."
He did not respond, continuing to give his neck, and you're sitting next to him slowly, quite noisy as to make known.
"What do you want?" I asked coldly.
"Make you an ass like that," you answered briskly. "Because you're a great contapalle and we have taken to the seat for more than two years."
Did you want to add that this was the important thing, not the fact that he was a werewolf in itself. There had been lying for a long time and this was incorrect, and unexpected, there was injured. Instead you did not say anything, because you've never been as good as his word and you are always able to explain much better explicit gestures.
"I did not know if you would understand. And I was wrong, "Remus said softly.
"You are wrong and how, instead," did you say you piqued. "Why should we understand and okay. "
For a few seconds the silence was so intense that you bothered. Remus then turned slowly to look in his face in disbelief. She stretched her neck toward you slightly, as if he could not see well.
"Okay what?" He asked in a whisper.
You shrugged with a grin almost with embarrassment, then you raise your head upwards and have launched an howl. You did not know why he was doing, but I was bothered by all that seriousness and anxiety in his voice. You were a fool, after all, and a child.
Remus you looked for a few seconds and then got out a little laugh astounded, delivered almost in a whisper.
"Really?" He asked amazed.
You almost angry, because you expected more confidence than that and had never given reason to doubt yourself and your loyalty. You were the kind of kid who blindly believes in the importance of friendship and that was why you felt offended. For this reason and because you were always sincere and honest, even when it was not easy, but Remus had lied countless times about something very important and you do not you'd ever expect from him.
"Yes," you answered dryly. "Seriously."
He looked down on the ground and is close as a protective armor in the shoulders.
"Sorry," she whispered, feeling your disappointment. "I did not want to be false."
You shook his head, hiding the bitterness perfectly.
"It's okay. Do not talk about it anymore, "you're finished with detachment.
After you knew that you would have never been able to forget. But I felt that it mattered, that all would be the same as before, and even better. There were no more secrets, and you were with your friends.
you been for a few more minutes in silence and then you got up together, as a signal to advance. Have you watched, warily, then Remus snapped his jaw and grind their teeth and bite you as you burst out laughing.
You are returned to the castle, walking side by side and still laughing, to look for James. Everything was fine.
The ticket said that Remus was too busy to come to lunch and he would stay at home to work for the Order. Have you eaten a stew with Peter and when he, despite your insistence, he went to an engagement with his mother you thought it was a shame to only spend your free afternoon and you've decided that you could still switch on and Remus disturb him for half an hour.
At that moment he was not home and have concluded that he came out for a couple of commissions, so you promised to come back later, perhaps with something good for have a snack. You went to the Kettle with the idea of making a trip to Diagon Alley, not far from the tavern you met Kingsley and Fabian. Did you stop to drink tea with them in a Muggle bar, quietly discussing the latest developments and the thorny issue of the possible presence of a spy within the Order. We have told vaguely of their investigation the morning and you set them up to date on your findings yesterday on the work of Dolohov. Fabian was angry for the anger and then you said goodbye, while they were going to reach Bones you came from Remus and he was not there again.
You thought that would be late and you've been waiting for because I had nothing better to do. E 'come after half an hour and you go meet with a smile.
"Sirius!" He exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
You shrugged and you showed your post with the focaccia.
"past with the idea of being at home," you said, carelessly.
"I had to leave half an hour," he told you in making your way home, and you have noticed as he climbed the steps in his shoes and coat the bottom completely muddy. "I had to see Prewett," he added, invite you to sit with a nod.
For a moment you could not move and you involuntarily frowning forehead, perplexed. You were with Fabian Prewett until recently and he had no involvement with Remus. You also said that Gideon was out of town and was correctly filling issues with Caradoc.
You have a smile stretched and placed on the picnic table while you realize you Remus bitterly that he was lying, and that was not the first time recently. You looked up, I've looked straight at me and we've read crystalline honesty. You kept looking and looking for a sign of failure or guilt for the lack of sincerity towards you and have not found a trace and this will hurt.
You did not lie. Never. Not to your friends.
"What?" I asked him, a hint of a smile.
"Nothing," you answered with a shrug.
you sat idly chatting, because lately there did you see all your relationships and often were diluted, even though the first thought that there was no real reason, it was just another of the negative things your new life.
But something is broken while the cake, and swallowed the insult and the balance that you have managed to maintain for all school years, despite the frictions and altercations due to the diversity of your character, broke the net.
Or maybe it was already breaking down and you had not noticed.
Turn on the light because you suddenly need light, and safety. The fire in the fireplace is starting to do his duty and warm the room, so I put the wand and you finally slip off his cloak. Let the helmet where there and I slouched on the sofa with a snort. He glanced around the room lit up and you realize that just turning on a light to get rid of the doubts and anxieties.
The owl tapping at the window that lets you collect a start with a wave of his wand and throw open the tax to make it fit. First drew the envelope from the feet and you know what it is, you're invited to dinner Remus this morning and that's why you passed by him in the afternoon, to find out why not give the news.
He scribbled a few words only. you do not look surprised at his refusal but with fatigue as an explanation penned the phrase, Remus tells you it's tired and that was at home working all day.
And you know that's not true again.
She dropped the parchment on the ground and you resting your forearm on the eyes as if it all - London, England, perhaps the world - could disappear.
you feel over by events every day.
You have always been an open person, optimist, someone who basically thinks that there is good in all, or nearly so, that humanity is by nature to flow well. You are used to capture the best side of people and think that it is what matters most. But this war will aberrant is slowly changing and is tearing the brightness of hope little by little, even inside you, even if jurors would not have happened.
why, now, what comes to mind with more clarity are not the many dawns that you spent with your friends at the Shack, but gained little lies and misunderstandings which have appeared over the little time, even if you know that the fault is yours, not you never had to send Snape to the Shack in the fifth year and you were a dick. But this is not enough to justify the lie and is no longer sufficient to detain the suspect.
And since we're not the type who refuses to take note of what he thinks, even when they are unpleasant, and this one is more than any other, you do it. Even if it hurts, even if it burns and makes you feel empty and aching.
Remus might be the indicator of Voldemort.
And you know it.
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